- Don’t set savings goals
Do you want to buy a house or a car or even a goldfish? Once you have an idea of what you are saving for, just ask your daddy for the money.
2. Don’t plan your budget
Why go to the hassle of keeping track of what you are spending? Spreadsheets are for geeks and who the heck knows how to use ledgers and stuff.
3. Don’t worry about spending more than you earn. Just ask your daddy for the money.
4. Don’t wait for five days
Why wait for five days to get what you want. Impulse buying is the way to go.
Don’t worry about not needing twenty-two handbags. Just ask your daddy for the money.
5. Eat in fancy restaurants
Who the heck knows how to cook? Your fridge is full of Red Bull cans and fishpaste, anyway – nothing that needs cooking.
Those guys at Bertha’s Kitchen have had cooking training and stuff. Just remember to take Fifi in his designer handbag and ask your daddy for the money.
6. Don’t pack a lunch
When you’ve done having your nails done, you don’t want to ruin them with a packed lunch! Get something from Luigi’s fine dining. He makes a fine hotdog, anyway.
Flash your whitest smile and bat your eyelashes at Luigi and he’ll bill your daddy.
7. Hide away your credit cards
Your daddy can be your worst enemy when you are trying to buy stuff. Hide away your credit cards, so that he doesn’t send his number one housekeeper into your boudoir to find them.
8. Don’t consider the real cost of buying stuff
If your daddy works for $150 dollars an hour, and you are spending $200 dollars an hour, then your daddy needs to get a better job. Don’t worry about spending too much; he can take out another mortgage on the house.
9. Use the good bottled water
It’s very convenient buying bottled water and you can be sure it doesn’t have those cooties that tap water has. Those bottles with those cheap filters you can buy everywhere are so overrated! Even daddy will tell you Fillico is the best.
10. Don’t use taxis and ubers and public transport
Using public anything is absolutely ludicrous. Only the commoners do that!
Daddy didn’t buy you the Lamborghini (with designer wheels) for nothing. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have your license. The cops will know who your daddy is, anyway.
11. Don’t buy cheap imitations
Somebody told me they went to THAT store. I can’t even mention it. It’s so ludicrous.
12. Don’t buy anything made in China, except an iPhone 12 with diamond encrustations.
13. Read the label, girlfriend: if it doesn’t say Prada, just don’t do it.
David Owen Nunes
David is many faceted, fascinating, fastidious, fair, fabulous and the other F word. He works in the Pensions Industry, plays occasional golf, and dreams of being able to write full time.
