The hundred years war was weird
First of all, it wasn’t a hundred years long. It lasted from 1337 to 1453. Some things never change; people still can’t count even now, which is why the banking system is so stuffed up.
Secondly, the king of England Edward III (not ‘The Third’, just so you know) claimed the throne of France. England had lands in France since the Norman Empire, and obviously still wanted them.
Also, France was an ally of Scotland, who was an enemy of England. So, I guess it was a case of : a friend of my enemy is also my enemy.
It was more like a series of small battles than a war, but the English plundered Northern France, making the French hate them even more. English soldiers took treasures and possessions away from the locals and took them home as the spoils of war. They did leave something behind, however – STD’s and their semen.
One of the things rarely mentioned about the hundred years war, is that the Black Death had devastated much of Europe, killing half of the population. When the sh*t hits the fan, it really does a good job of it. People were killed on the real battlefield (the fight against the plague), where the death toll was probably fifty times higher than in the war.
England started using the longbow in many of their battles, which proved itself and won them many victories. The longbow was made from the wood of the yew tree, but this proved a problem because they started having supply problems. Fewer yew trees were available and, hence, fewer longbows. (Therefore, you can attribute the whole earth-warming phenomenon to the English, because they started cutting down trees and things).
At one stage the king of France offered Edward III a third of France (or is that Edward third a III of France?), if he would bugger off and give the throne back.
Peace reigned for a while, until Henry V came to the English throne, he returned to France and was victorious. A treaty at Trois made him heir to the throne, but he died in 1422, never being able to claim that title.
The French resistance began and, with the help of Joan of Arc, French knights started to win small victories. She claimed that saints were leading her to free her homeland, as she joined the French in her typical white armour. The English accused her of witchcraft and burned her at the stake, making her a martyr for the French troops.
By 1453 the French had won back most of their homeland. In 1992, Disneyland Paris opened and the English invaded France again.
David Owen Nunes
David is many faceted, fascinating, fastidious, fair, fabulous and the other F word. He works in the Pensions Industry, plays occasional golf, and dreams of being able to write full time.
