You may want a job description, when trying to make up your mind on your future employment. Here are some of the does, and lots of the don’ts.
• Answer questions from customers. You will be given training on what products you sell, and you can use this information to answer their questions. Please do not show any customer your middle finger, until they have left the building.
• If a customer should give you their opinion on how terrible your establishment is, do not shove your laser scanning device (optical price scanner) in any one of their orifices.
• You may have to bag, box or wrap merchandise for customers. You cannot wrap bubble wrap! You cannot wrap eggs individually, no matter how much the customers beg!
• You should have a basic knowledge of mathematics, and have graduated from counting on your fingers. You may have to count money at the beginning and end of your shift.
• When you have to establish prices of goods, do not scream out a price check for your colleague who is standing at the back of the store. You may break something, like your voicebox.
• When you greet customers, do not have that ‘P*ss off’ expression on your face.
• If someone buys six porno DVD’s and KY Jelly, do pretend not to notice.
• Don’t sneeze on the food as it passes by.
• Offer customers carry-out service after completing their transaction. If you help them to the car, don’t ask them for a lift home.
• If someone in a low-cut blouse comes through, don’t spend too much time looking at her cleavage. Or smelling her hair.
• You may receive payment by cash, check, credit cards or automatic debits. You may not receive payment for services that you have offered to perform privately.
• You may have to use the paging system. You should not give commentary on the World Cup soccer tournament.
• You should not take lay-by on anything that has an expiry date of Monday next week. It might be kind of mushy by the time the customer collects the item.
David Owen Nunes
David is many faceted, fascinating, fastidious, fair, fabulous and the other F word. He works in the Pensions Industry, plays occasional golf, and dreams of being able to write full time.
