I caught the bus this morning, and I looked at the ticket. It said, ‘Adult Single.’ I thought, I’m not single, why don’t they have something for married adults?
The ticket said, ‘Valid from stage 6 to stage 7.’ I always thought that all the world’s a stage, and we are all merely players …
Thinking about that, I thought about all the people getting off and on the bus. People get off on funny things these days, but that takes the biscuit.
As I was travelling, I thought about being taken for a ride, and I reckon I was. The bus fares are pretty ludicrous for what they offer. Another example of the government wanting more people to travel with public transport, but making it cheaper to take the car.
In the car, you don’t have to listen to someone else’s music, because their iPod is too loud. You don’t have to listen to some little brat crying because his mother isn’t paying attention to him. You don’t have to freeze your posterior every time the door opens, and you don’t have to sit next to some smelly old fart who hasn’t showered for the last sixteen days.
I must admit, though, there are characters on the buses. There was this one chap who was complaining about his bus never running on time. The wise-ass behind him chirped up that buses never run on time, they run on wheels. Ha.
Come to think of those bus jokes, what do you call a chap with a bus on his head? Dead.
I love watching people on the bus, especially when I’m in the car. Ha. They look so funny, like little bus people staring out. No, really, bus people are funny, especially when there are no vacant seats and granny gets on. You would think that everyone suddenly got interested with what is going on outside, or sat entranced with their books and cellphones. Poor granny has to stand all the way – with her walker. (I was incapacitated at the time, if you were wondering).
I’m sure it was an urban legend, although it could be true, but someone I might know sits on the bus, and whenever someone tries to sit in the vacant seat next to him, he screams, ‘Don’t sit on Bob, don’t sit on Bob!’
Oh yeah, my grandma’s so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!
Bus driver’s are really not funny, though. They scare me. They drive so fast, especially over those speed bump things. You have to realise, these guys are driving deadly equipment that they don’t own, and if they bash into something, it isn’t really there problem. When I’m sitting in my car and I see one of them coming down the road, I sort of soil my underpants. I don’t know how they manage to stop in time, and I suppose that sometimes they don’t?
We public transport commuters are strange animals, though. We have to have sturdy shoes, which help us walk through the mud and rain and snow and things. We have to have scarves and gloves and rain jackets and things. And occasionally, we have to do some grocery shopping, so we need bags. We need bags to carry all our necessary accessories. So, please don’t call my bag a ‘man-bag.’ And please don’t say I have no fashion sense. It’s only what is necessary!
David Owen Nunes
David is many faceted, fascinating, fastidious, fair, fabulous and the other F word. He works in the Pensions Industry, plays occasional golf, and dreams of being able to write full time.
